Change is good, Change is Permanent

[KNOCK, KNOCK, KNOCK]

I hope this is the right door. I haven’t been here in a while.

Change is good, Change is Permanent

If it’s not the right one I know it’s got to be close by. I remember that store across the street.

[KNOCK, KNOCK, KNOCK]

Was the door like this or was it a gate.

Change is good, Change is Permanent

[KNOCK, KNOCK, KNOCK]

Someone peaks out of the window on the left.

Is that my cousin Rich? I can’t tell.

Change is good, Change is Permanent

Where did I get that phrase? I think it’s something Uncle Benji says.

The door opens and some white guys asks, “What can I do for you?”

“Um I’m looking for my cousin Rich, um Richard Day, is he here?”

“Just a second,” the guy said.

After about two minutes the familiar face of my big cousin is at the door.

“What are you doing here?” said Rich [looking up and down the street]

“I… um … needed to get away. Can I come in?” I ask.

“Of course you can, get in here,” he said flinging the door open wide.

As soon as I walked in I could see he was not alone. Maybe this was a mistake?

I felt Rich’s hand on my shoulder and I turned into the warm hug of family. People in my family didn’t always hug, especially two guys. From the time I was little I always hugged the people I liked.

I told myself I wasn’t going to cry as soon as I got there like the little kid I was trying not to be. But I couldn’t hold it back. The tears came down like a Mid-Western rain storm, torrential and big. I’m sure Rich was not ready for that but he played his part.

I heard someone say “Take him in the bedroom.” I felt my legs move but I was not controlling them.

Then there was a cool wet towel on my face. I tried to breathe regular but it was still hard.

“So King Ted what is so terrible that you had to come here like this?” asked Rich.

“Um… Do you promise not to get mad when I tell you?” I asked shyly.

“OK Just tell me. You know you can tell me anything. We’re family.”

A Deep breath and….

“Well I was hanging at my friend Jackson’s house and his father started staring at me and stuff and I was like what is your Dad’s deal? Why is he staring at me? And Jackson said, I don’t know. Dad’s why are you looking at Ted? And he was all like, “You look familiar and junk.” And I was like yes Sir I come over here all the time. I was thinking he was having some kind of old person’s moment like Grand Ma Mary-Anne. But then he was all like, “You look like someone I know.” “What is your mother’s name?” I looked at Jackson like, Dude…..what’s going on here? He just shrugged. I told De Mott, that’s Jackson’s fathers’ name, that my mother’s name is Katherine Day. His eye’s got all big and junk and I got a little nervous.

Another big breath and

He was like bam and jumps up and ran into his bedroom and we heard him rummaging and then he comes running out with a picture of my mother and him. No biggie, you know my Mom models so I guess lots of guys have pictures like that. So I didn’t trip. He says like, “Is this your mother and stuff” and I’m like, Yes it is and he’s like looking at me real hard like he was looking for something. And then he says like straight out. “When were you born?” I looked around and everyone was like staring at me. Jackson said, “I think he was born a year and a day before me.” De Mott and Jean both stepped back. I didn’t know what was going on.

Another big breath and

My friends Dad looked at his wife and then at me and said, “I think I could be your father!?!

Rich said, “What the fuck! Get outta here with that! Hold up”.

He jumped up and ran out of the room and I heard water running then he came back with two glasses of water. He handed one to me and I took and big gulp and I suddenly knew how dry my throat was. I was talking so fast I didn’t notice.

“I couldn’t believe it either but he had a picture and he said he knew my mother from back in the day.” “He said my mother was his girlfriend.” “I was and am freaked.” I told Rich.

“So what did Aunt Kat say?” ask Rich.

“She said she always meant to tell me but wanted to wait until I was older.”

“You’re almost 12 years old, when was she going to tell you”, asked Rich.

“She seemed upset but so was I. We both started yelling and I just grabbed some stuff and ran away from there. I had to get outta there. I didn’t know where to go.” I was starting to breathe heavy again. “I was wondering if I could-”

And Rich cut in, “Look don’t even say it. You know you can stay here as long as you want.” “But won’t Uncle Max and Aunt Kat come looking for you?”

“I don’t know, but even if they do I’m not going back there until I’m ready.” I said trying to sound strong.

Rich gave me a reassuring smile.

Truth be told, I was scared to death. I was a good kid in a family that gave me a lot of leeway for getting good grades and only causing a minimal of kid style trouble. My mother was always gone so she was always happy to know that I was busy with school and my silly projects. I think she didn’t want to think about the fact that she had a kid. She once told me every time she looks at me she felt older than she felt the moment before. Onetime on my birthday she told me to say I was two years younger than I was. I went along with it but felt everyone at the restaurant knew the truth and why I was saying it.

Rich told me to lie down and rest and he would come back and later. I grabbed my two backpacks and stuffed them under the bed. I was really tired, but just remembered something. I yelled for Rich and ten seconds later his head popped inside the slightly opened bedroom door.

“Yea, what’s happening King Ted?”

“Please don’t call my Mother or tell your family I’m here. I’ll call them later.” I asked him

“OK I’ll leave that up to you, anything else?”

“Yes, thank you.” I said sleepily

“No prob. Fam.”

I smiled and tried to close my eyes. But as I did so many things where running through my mind. Was my Stepfather, Uncles, Aunts, Big cousins going to kill me for making my mother cry? Usually when I made her cry it was for a good thing like winning a $2000.00 scholarship for Art or a couple a times on Mother’s day. I always thought those were fake tear. But I just called her a liar and that I could not believe anything she said and was she even my mother? That was harsh, I know.

I guess I finally fell asleep because it was dark in the room and Rich was shaking me and calling my name. I jumped and he jumped back.

“Hey King Ted, it’s time to wake up kid.”

“Hey Rich, what time is it?” I said as I looked for my watch.

“It is 7 o’clock and we were thinking of getting something to eat do you want something?”

“Yes”, I said and reached inside my jack and pulled out some bills.

“Naw, naw put your money back I got this.” said Rich with a warm smile.

It made me smile even though I wasn’t that awake yet.

“What are you smiling about King Ted?”

“The wonderful people I’m related to and the fact that after all these years you still call me King Ted.”

“Pull yourself together and come out to the living room and meet my friends.” Rich said smiling big.

I nodded yes and got up and headed to where I thought the bathroom might be.

I washed face and combing my long hair back into a low ponytail. I changed my changed my shirt to something I thought made me look a little older. Why I didn’t know. When I went out to the living room there were about six people including Cousin Rich.

The first guy was a strong looking white dude. Rich said his name was Ben and everyone said COLT all together. So I smile it must be Colt.

Then a girl who I couldn’t tell if she was a Latina or not but she had so many colors in her hair when she said her name was Rainbow I almost thought she was joking. But I have good home training so I shook her outstretched hand.

Then another girl across from her said her name was Sahara. I said “Like the desert.” She smiled bright and said, “Yes, exactly I like him”.

There was a really tall, really thin guy named Ricardo with no trace of an accent and a little curly afro. Not Rick or Ricky or Rico. OK….

The last person to meet in the group I thought was a young, blonde, white girl but when they spoke it was a young, blonde, white boy, I think, maybe about 17. His/ her name was Robyn. Not wanting to show my age I said, “Like the bird”, but I thought as in Batman and…..

He/she said, “Yes but with a Y not an I”. I didn’t know if I was ever going to have to write his/her name but I file it away.

“And I’m Rich’s cousin Ted Kingston; it’s really nice to meet you all.”

Rainbow laughed and said, “Isn’t he polite!”

“Hey King Ted can I tell them what you did at the family reunion last month?” asked Rich already embarrassing me.

“Yes if you stop calling me King Ted in public?” I said smiling.

So we have a giant family reunion here in LA every other year. I’ve told you guys about them before. Well we always go around and say one thing we’re thankful for since we last came together. The kids always say something like I’m glad for my bike or glad for my mom or my grandmother or something like that. But this little Fucker stands up in front of all the three or four hundred people and says what? [he shoots a look at me to do my speech again] [I sink down more even though I’m sitting on the floor] Everyone erupts, “come on King Ted tell us”. If I could blush I would have. I would bet good money that I was.

OK OK

When it was my turn I looked at my Great Grand Mother and no one else and I said I was thankful that I liked boys instead of girls. Then my cousin Tina, his sister punched me in the arm and said I don’t like you either and everyone laughed.

My Uncle Robbie said I’m sure you like some girls and later you’ll like a lot of other girls and everyone laughs again. Then I said still looking at my Great Grand Mother, No I don’t think so and every slowly stopped laughing.

-The group in my cousin’s living room was buzzing. OH My God you just came out like that? I would have died, what did they do? What did they say?

Rich said, “Hold on he’s not finished, tell what else you said”.

I took a deep breath and said, “Hey I’m not the only one. What about Cousin Tyrone and his friend at work and Cousin Yvette and her friend on the softball team? What about Uncle George’s friend Larry, you guys call him Ms. Larry and my mother’s friend Mr. David? See I’m not the only one.” I ran over to my Great Grand Mother buried my face in her shoulder. I heard her say that that was OK. Being different is good and that I was one of her babies and if anyone said anything to me they would have to deal with her.

Rich said, she gave us all, ‘the eye’. I’ve never seen our Great Grand Mother even raise her voice before. We all knew that this was law.

The room was so lively I didn’t know people would even care this much.

I guess I was in the right place tonight. My big cousin Rich was beaming at me.

I beamed back